The Gift of Pain

About six weeks ago, on a Monday night, I got up from the couch to go to bed and I felt a discomfort on the right side of my back. “Hmmm, that’s strange”, I thought quietly to myself but didn’t pay it much attention. In bed I just tossed and turned, unable to get comfortable. Finally at 4 am I gave up, got up, took a pain killer, applied some muscle cream, and attempted to go back to sleep – which became an exercise in futility. Dawn broke. As soon as I stepped out of bed, I knew that my day was going to be drastically altered. I had an early morning meeting which I promptly cancelled. The “mild discomfort” had now grown into a pretty steady pain – and by the time the sun set, I found myself in the hospital’s emergency room waiting to see a doctor for my now very painful condition. Diagnosis? A QL muscle strain. The doctor wrote me a prescription for two different medications: anti-inflammatory/pain killer, and muscle relaxer. I went home, popped the pills, went to bed, and expected to be back to normal by morning. But boy was I ever mistaken!

By the following day, my mobility had been completely compromised; impaired. Whenever I engaged my core muscles in any way, I screamed out in pain. Even the very thought of movement threw my muscle into spasm. I became dependent on my husband for everything. Dressing, undressing, walking, sitting, standing, sleeping, eating, showering… literally everything…. well, almost everything. I adamantly refused his help to use the potty – I mean, some secrets were meant to be taken to our graves – no matter the cost!

Frustrated that the medication had not worked, I sought help in a physiotherapist’s clinic. The treatments I received left me way worse than when I went in; reducing me to taking one tiny step every 30 seconds. The pain was unspeakable! As arduous and as long as the days were, the nights brought their own unique horrors. I love to sleep on my side – always have. But now I had to lie on my back and not move a muscle all night long. I couldn’t get comfortable and so I barely slept. My poor husband couldn’t stay on the bed with me because any slight movement he made shook the bed and that threw the muscle into spasm. But rather than sleep in the guest room, he slept on  a mattress on the floor next to the bed so he could hear me if I called out for help. He made many sacrifices during my illness. I recall one morning I had a doctor’s appointment and because it took so long to feed me and get me ready, he had no time left for himself to have his breakfast – and so he left hungry. And when we walked on busy streets, he would walk behind me to protect me from people bumping into me. When I think back on those sacrifices he made, I can’t help but think of Psalm 46:1 – God is my refuge and strength, an ever present help in times of trouble and Job 5:11 – God protects those who suffer.

The excruciating pain went on for almost 2 weeks. Prayer, medicine, and multiple treatments were simply not working. I even bought a warming pad with a massaging function and that made the pain ten times worse. I tried an ice pack and that made it worse too. I vividly remember looking at my husband with big, sad, puppy dog eyes, glistened by my desperate tears and I said to him “I am beginning to wonder if this pain will ever go away.” In that moment I gave up all hope that I would ever get well. I thought that this chronic pain would be my lot in life going forward. But when I spoke to my mom, in the wisdom only a mother can have, she said to me, “Eliza, there is a reason why doctors give people many pills. If it only took one pill to fix it, they would give one tablet. But they give many because the medicine takes some time to be effective”. I was grateful for that simple, yet obvious, nugget of wisdom that I had overlooked in my hour of despair.

The thing that bothered me though was the fact that I couldn’t pinpoint what caused the pain. To me it came from nowhere. But I remembered way later that about 10 days prior, I was in the office and when I went to sit down, my chair rolled away and I fell – but I braced myself with my hands behind my back – and it was in that instant that I perhaps pulled the muscle. The reason why I didn’t relate the two events is because when I fell off my chair that day, I experienced no pain and as such I didn’t think I was injured.

It took about 13 days for my QL muscle to completely heal. It was one of the most difficult experiences of my life. I got intimately acquainted with a pain level I would never wish on my worst enemy. But yet I am grateful. I see this experience as a gift. Not the gift I wanted, but definitely one I needed. I should mention here that what pain is to the physical body, trials and challenges are to the spiritual being.

So how is pain a gift? Certainly doesn’t sound like it! But we need pain in our lives. The absence of pain is actually a dangerous thing. I read up on people with a genetic disorder called CIPA. They are unable to feel pain and as a result they end up badly injured. One  woman says she often didn’t realize she was burning herself until the smell of her burning flesh prompted her to the fact. Another mother had this to say: “Pain is there for a reason. It lets your body know something’s wrong and it needs to be fixed. I’d give anything for my daughter to feel pain.” Imagine that! A mother wishing pain on her most beloved daughter!

So how is pain a gift? Pain is protective. It’s a warning bell. Had I felt pain the moment I fell, I would’ve known I was injured and would have taken measures to treat the muscle before it got so acute. My therapist said to me that my muscle was fiercely angry. It was fierce alright, but not fiercely angry – it was rather fiercely protective: of itself, and ultimately of me. Pain was the mechanism my muscle used to communicate with me, saying “Hey Liz! I am not ok. I am hurt. I need you to stop, to rest, to quit engaging me too much – because I need to heal.” And that pain stayed with me like a bodyguard of sorts, to make sure I didn’t over do it. Pain guarded the muscle until it was nursed back to wholeness. In the same way, God may permit trials and hardships to touch us as a way of communicating to us that something is amiss in our spiritual life. He may use trials to bring to our attention seeds of disobedience we sowed along life’s path, perhaps unknowingly; seeds that have now borne a harvest of destruction. As we saw repeatedly with the Israelites in the old testament, suffering brings people to repentance. Pain and trials stop us from going down a wrong path and forces us to turn around and get back in right standing with God. But consider the joy of those corrected by God! Do not despise the discipline of the Almighty when you sin. For though He wounds, he also bandages. He strikes, but His hands also heal. Job 5:17-18:

How is pain a gift? Pain gives you perspective. Pain pries your eyelids open and tapes them to your forehead. Try as you may, you cannot help but see, I mean really see, really observe, really perceive. Pain reveals to you who you are and what you are made of. My sister sent me a forward the other day. It simply said this… If you are holding a cup of coffee and someone bumps into you, what pours out of the cup is coffee – not tea, nor water. Same if you’re holding a cup of water, water will come pouring out. The takeaway of the forward was that when we are rattled, what is in us is what comes out of us. I learned a lot about myself during my season of pain. I saw that in a prolonged state of agony, my faith wavered and desperation crept in. I even reverted to the immature Christian state of saying “God, why are you punishing me?” Indeed, out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. (Matthew 12:34) I learned a lot about my husband too.  I was just gobsmacked by his care, his love, his sacrifices, his patience and servitude. He proved that for better or worse, in sickness and in health are not just words to him.  He perfectly embodied this command in Ephesians 5:25: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. I love you boo! You are  indeed a most incredible blessing to me – and I am eternally grateful to you.

Pain is a litmus test that reveals to us how solid our relationships really are. Trials reveal to us our spiritual maturity. When you’re going through hardships, will your faith stand up to the test? Will your anchor hold? Is your relationship with God only solid when things are going well but falls apart when they aren’t? Are you in it for God’s hand or His heart?

Pain makes us compassionate. Trials break your heart and make it malleable. They make you notice other people in unfavorable situations;  whereas in the past they’d have gone unnoticed by you. Pain/trials is a reset button. It’s corrective. It refines us. I am very independent and feel like I can handle life without much help from anyone. But this season served to humble me and remind me that no man is an island. We all need each other. It made me pause and count my blessings and repent for all the people and things I take for granted in my life. This season served to reset me physically, emotionally, relationally and spiritually. I quickly realized just what is important and what is not.

How is pain a gift? Pain is a traffic light. About 8 days after the pain started, I ventured off to work – as I was starting to feel a little better. While the start of the day was okay, the discomfort grew as the day progressed and by the time I returned home, my muscle told me in in no uncertain terms, what it thought of my stunt of venturing out. I undid all the progress I had made previously and was relegated back to bed rest for the next few days. Pain, trials and hardships are not fun and we want nothing to do with them. In my case I bounced from remedy to remedy trying to bypass the pain and shorten the healing process – even resuming normal life before I was fully healed.

Sometimes we are so eager to get over or get around our trials and challenging situations, that we fail to realize that it is in going through it that we are healed and made whole. We can’t rush the process. We can’t take one pill and expect to be better right away. God has a purpose for the trials He allows to touch us. There are no shortcuts, and we shouldn’t quit either. Trying to circumvent that only delays our restoration and impedes our spiritual maturity. But when the trial has served its purpose, we must shed the victim mentality, and move on as the Holy Spirit leads. Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything – James 1:2-4.

I know I’ve said a lot – but please understand what I am not saying. I’m not saying that all pain is good or that all pain is bad. I’m not saying that all trials are beneficial to us, or that they all signify God’s discipline – after all, we have a real enemy of our souls who would like nothing more than to kill, steal and destroy us. So what am I saying?

When I was unwell, a friend inquired if I had asked God what He wanted me to learn from this. I thought that was a strange question – but when you think about it, not really. When we are sick, we are quick to get a diagnosis and a treatment plan from medical doctors. Yet when we go through trials, we never stop to ask God why we are going through this hardship. If you are a born-again believer of Jesus Christ, the enemy cannot touch you unless the Lord permits him to (see Job’s story in Job 1:6-22). And so, when trials and hardships knock on our door, we should go to God and inquire of Him: “Father, why have you permitted this hardship to touch me? What is the purpose? Is it for my good? How should I respond to it? What do you want me to learn, address, or change in my life?”

If you are going through a trial right now, ask God what is the meaning of the trial. If we don’t know why it came we may waste it and miss an opportunity to impact lives. Sometimes it’s through trials that God’s greater purpose for our lives or for others is fulfilled. And though it may not feel like it, remember that this season will pass.  Nothing lasts forever; neither the good, nor the bad. Even the darkest of nights must surrender to the first ray of sunshine at the break of dawn – no matter how dull the ray’s light.

And if you’re questioning why we must go through trials, let me point out this remarkable truth from J. Oswald Sanders: Land that only knows nothing but sunshine becomes a desert. Clouds, storms and darkness must have their place if there is to be fertility and fruitfulness.

Let me close with these encouraging scriptures:

We glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5

So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. 1 Peter 1:5-7

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast – 1 Peter 5:10.

Can I ask you to do me a favour? If you have found this helpful, do not keep it to yourself. Please share and pass it along. You never know who might need to hear this. Nothing like a well-timed word of encouragement.

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